.. When I was working back at my friend Rich's telephone business, we hired a new guy named Carl. Carl was one of these techy type guys, a real nerd, so to speak. He was smart though, I have to admit. Got something like a 790 on the math portion of his SAT's. He was really a smart guy and that was what we needed. Anyway, one day Carl was a bit excited.... "Alan." Carl said. "Yes, Carl." I answered. "I think I invented a time machine." "Um...what dude?" I asked cautiously. "I think I invented a time machine." I started to think. I time machine, eh? I mean I know this is a fantasy, but what are we in cartoon land? "OK, Carl. You been smoking something good and not sharing again?" I asked. "No, really man. Where do you want to go? I mean you tell me a time and place and I think I can send you there." Carl stated confidently. I started to think. There were so many possibilities. Did I want to go back to the dawn of creation and talk to God? Did I want to look over De Vinci's shoulder as. “Where is your room?”I took her upstairs and I didn’t know if I was going to be anointed or crucified.I sat on the bed and picked up my guitar.“She told me everything,” Mrs Hubert began, “in graphic detail. She can be a real bitch. A sanctimonious little cow but a bitch too.”“What?” I said dumbly. “What did she tell you?”“Oral sex. Penetration. Even the special things we did that most people don’t.” She paused and her face grew stormy.“What has she got that I haven’t?” she growled. “She’s young, that’s all. So young that I put her over my knee and bloody spanked her like I used to when she was little. You should try it some time, I think she likes it.” She was trying to be two things at once: the victim and the gracious senior who can’t be hurt. Trouble was, I didn’t know which one was genuine.Everything went quiet again on the Hubert front. It was summer term – my last term at school before university. I was studying a bit, moping around a lot and listening to music like it was about.
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